And I Got... Nothing.

It's occurred to me that I haven't updated my blog in a bit, sooo... here it is.  Lots of "stuff" going on, but not really getting into it here and now.  Maybe I'll post a pic of the new dog later.  Internet friend Andy Bartlett has inspired me to get moving again, however, and thanks to his blog, I have a format.  Danke, Andy!

WHAT I'M WRITING:

• Finalizing a contest piece for Highlights Foundation's annual contest.  I so need to win tuition to their summer conference this year - send positive thoughts!
• Getting back to Nin-Gerbils, which I'm liking more with each revision.  Thanks to Torpedo from the IDW boards for his invaluable critique; the piece is better for it.
• Playing around with bits and fragments of Faith and Silence, a G.I. Joe fanfic and sequel to Promises to Keep.  It's a hard piece to write for many reasons, but I promised my fellow JoeMom Toni that I'd do it.  It's crawling along, Toni, but it will get done eventually.
• Drafting a semi-wordless comic book script for Psalm 23.

WHAT I'M READING:

• Spindle's End by Robin McKinley - one of my comfort books.  It's a fantasy retelling of Sleeping Beauty, and one of my go-to books when my mind won't settle.  I adore that I was able to find a hardcover copy at a library sale - wheee!  eBooks may be the future, but I still love having a hardcover in my hands in bed.
• Epic: The Story God is Telling by John Eldredge.  I grabbed this at Goodwill - one of my personal treasure chests for like-new dirt-cheap books - more because of the storytelling aspect than because of the Christianity.  Anyone who starts out a book with a quote from Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings is worth reading, in my book.
• On the nightstand - Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin, Sherlock Holmes and the Baker Street Irregulars by Tracy Mack, Reaching the Animal Mind by Karen Pryor, Breadcrumbs by Anne Ursu, Cat People by Margaret and Michael Korda, and a few more that I'm too lazy to go and check right now.
• Waiting for the #9's of the G.I. Joe: Cobra Command to come out... I grab them all at once... as well as for Green Lantern: New Guardians and Tiny Titans.

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO:

• Promise of the Wolves by Dorothy Hearst
• The Elemental Masters series by Mercedes Lackey
• Podcasts:  GeekMoms, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, A Way With Words, Hearing Voices, Cheetah Chat

WHAT I'M PLAYING:

• Angry Birds Seasons, and having far too much fun with the Chinese New Year's mighty dragon!

Off to bed now... zzzzz...

Allowing Yourself to Write Badly

I'd rather not try than fail.  - Esme Rajii Codell, Sahara Special

I'll admit it... I'm a perfectionist.  I hate it.

Of all the areas of my life that perfectionism affects adversely, I think it's my writing that suffers the most from it.  Why?   The quotation above says it all.  I simply can't stand the idea of failing at something I consider myself good at.  I can read as many inspirational quotes as I can stomach about how failure is essential to success, about how nothing great was ever achieved without failure.  It doesn't make it any easier - so I stagnate. 

I think it's because, for so many years growing up, I considered myself a failure at pretty much everything. Writing was one of the few things I knew I did well... knew I did better than most.  I was terrified of failing at it, because if I did, I'd have nothing.  The fear is still with me, even now.

I tell my students that first drafts are just that - first drafts.  That all writers revise.  That nobody - but NOBODY - gets it right on the first try.  The only student who doesn't believe it is the sixth grade girl who still lives inside of me, clutching her journal and refusing to let anyone read it. I get so worked up, sometimes, trying to get the story perfect in my head that it doesn't LEAVE my head - just like so many stories back then never left my journal.  And that, I think, is the kiss of death for any writer.  If you don't write, you can't ever be published.  You can't ever be a success.

My goal for tonight, then, is to allow myself to write badly.  To force myself to write badly, if the words won't come out any other way.  To write CRAP, if that's all I can manage.  To just WRITE, and to get the silly story about the ninja gerbils out and down on paper so that I can go back to it later and make it better.  After all... writing something is better than writing nothing at all, isn't it?